Happy Thoughts, Good Things, And Real Reviews

Doing all of these things and keeping them in mind can be difficult. I try my best, and still have trouble, but it is still the best advice I have to offer.

Listen, Don't Talk

When talking to people, the mistake most people make is talking to much, and not listening enough. Communication is more about understanding than making yourself understood. The complexities of communication and language are complex, and can be daunting. Arguments, misunderstandings, and the like, are in my opinion, always caused because both people in the conversation are trying, and feel as thoughn they are having no sucess, at making themselves understood.

What I have found to be the remedy to this is to take a step back from yourself. Instead of continuing to try, and fail, at making the other party understand your perspective, stop yourself. Rather, take a deep breath and try your best at understanding the other person involved. If you can indeed do this, and make the other party understand that you are hearing them, you may quickly find what could be a argument turn into a conversation.

Don't Go On The Attack

Beyond that, do not make acusations. If someone is doing something that bothers you, first fully analyze why it is that what they are doing bothers you. Then try to explain to them how it makes you feel when they behave in that manner. By attaking the person or their character because of their behavior all you will ever get is a fight. By explaining in simple terms why their actions or behavior make you feel unpleasant, you instead give them the chance to be introspective and fix the issue at hand. Where it is easy to respond to an accusation with anger, it is difficult to respond to hurting someones feelings with anything other than understanding.

Do Not Hurt People Because They Hurt You

Often times when someone makes us feel bad about ourselves it is a natural response to want to make them feel the same way. Experiencing something unpleasant and alone is much worse than experiencing something unpleasant in shared company. For this reason we typially respond to someone making us feel bad by trying to make them feel the same. That is why accusations are so commonly met with more accusations. Try your best to avoid doing this. When someone has a complaint about you, or your behavior, listen. Do not tell them things they do, that you do not like about them, as a justification for yourself. Listen to what they have to say. Take the time to do some self introspection, to see if there is any truth to it, before responding emotionally.

Stay On Point

Do not interupt people when they say something you think is unfare or untrue. Instead let them say their peice, then respond to their point, instead of nitpicking the way they get to it. This is one of the hardest things for me to do personally. I have trouble letting someone slip in an untruth when they are explaining something, without cutting them off, and telling them so. I have found though, that when I do this, I never get to the point of their argument, and instead get sidetracked. Later, once they have worn said all they have to say,respond to the core issues of what they are telling you. Fighting over symantics and such, will get you no where.

Set Your Ego Aside

Do not be afraid to admit fault or responsability. Our egos can get in the way of this very easily, but if you hear the other person out with an open mind, and conceed on points that have validity, you show you are listening, and owning up to your own shortcomings. By taking responsability for your portion of the conflict you can inspire the other party to do likewise. Thereby making what was an argument into helpful communication for both people. When doing this, do it for real, do not agree you are in the wrong when you don't think you are. Take the time to think about how you could have avoided the conflict from the begining, and apopgize for what you see as your part in it. It is not healthy to take blame where it is undeserved, but it is healthy and beneficial to you, to see and correct your own unjust actions. False apologies will lead to later conflict, where real ones will help you avoid making the same mistake again. This is also key to letting the other person know they are being understood.

Stay Calm

Finally, when things get really heated. Always do your best to remain calm, chek yourself, do not blurt out emotional responses that you will regret later. When you are angered, enraged, hurt, etc,. Take deap breaths, think and do not shout. Take a step back from yourself and know that the other person will probably see the error of their ways without you making them aware of it. If they hurt you emotionally, let them know, and allow them the time to understand this. They will eventually, and they will probably sincerely apologize for saying hurtfull things in the heat of the moment at a later time.

From my experiene, these are the most helpful tips to avoid unhealthy confrontations. Best of luck with your future communications, and conversations. Remember, above all else, for healthy conversations, always listen.